I desired to explore my femininity and I wanted to go deeper into a more sacred way of experiencing sexuality. But I really wasn’t feeling confident in my body and I realized I wasn’t ready for a long and deep relationship coming from fear and doubt. So how did the program help? Well for the first half of the program I actually focussed on just exploring my body and my sexuality - by myself. The practices really helped me to open up to my sexuality and to connect to and appreciate my body in new ways. For me this was a big job to accept my body and just stop judging it.
Could you give an example?
I remember, when I was young I would judge and compare my breasts a lot. But thanks to one of the practices, breasts massage, one that I did quite a few times, I became less shy to touch my breasts by myself and now I really feel more connected to them. Plus, now I feel they are very beautiful and unique!
And how did this have an impact on your relationships?
Feeling good in my body, meant that I started to feel less shy to show my body to others and to say: This is me! And eventually it even made me start to look forward to being really honest and vulnerable with someone else.
And what happened then?
That summer after the program had ended I experienced really strong physical and emotional attraction and sex with two really great guys. Not at the same time, but two special relationships that made me connected to vulnerability, a more deeper communication and finally made me realize what I really want to experience in my relationships. After these meetings, I realized that finally, I wanted to build a profound, strong and connected relationship. Seriously, I was not expecting anything, but 1 week after that strong intention I met someone, that I’m still with now. For me I can say that’s one of the first times I can feel what’s love and where I can live a relationship in its totality: a connection with the body, the mind and the energy. It’s beautiful.
And what was the link with how you felt about yourself?
Well, it was clear to me that this different feeling that I had about myself and my body, that it had an affect on the way that they saw me. I was not shy to just show myself. I also received compliments about who I was. I think that when you feel great in your body, it changes your posture, your movements, and the general air or energy that you have around you, and I think people notice that! Also, when you put clear intention, it’s easier to just receive what you really desire.
Also, clearly knowing my desires and boundaries helped me to practice to also communicate them clearly. And then last summer with one of the guy I met I had a completely new orgasmic experience. It was like an almost infinite orgasm! Well, not infinite obviously but the waves of pleasure just kept coming for so long! And even now with my partner I can go deeper in all of these practices with fun and curiosity and a lot a lot of surprises of how the alchemy of the bodies is so mysterious and powerful.
There was another new type of orgasm that you told me you were happy to share about?
Yes, that was thanks to the exercise of not aiming for orgasm but instead aiming for maximum pleasure combined with the exercise of making pleasure circulate through my body. And while doing that I started to feel pleasure all around me, like some kind of energy field, it was very powerful.
And finally, what was the belief that had been in the way of experiencing these things before?
I kind of believed that other people were capable of experiencing these kinds of things, but not me!
This is a transcription of the story of one of the participants of the last round of our 6-month program, as she shared it during one of the live events of our free mini-course "the Anatomy of Pleasure".
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