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9 ways that mind-wandering can spruce up your relationships and sex life

Like most of us, you’re probably trying to be productive. To get stuff done. But by focusing too much on efficiency, you might not only be overloading your brain (burn-out, anyone?) but also depriving yourself of the powerful brain processes that can do wonders for your relationships and sexual enjoyment... Mind-wandering is an integral part of the human experience, driven by the Default Mode Network (DMN) - a network of interconnected brain regions that activates when our minds are not focused on the outside world. 

When we do things that let our minds roam freely – whether it's a leisurely stroll, doodling on a napkin, or just staring into the abyss – we're giving our DMN the green light to shuffle through memories, connect dots, and get creative. It's like sending your brain to a spa day - and who doesn't want a relaxed and rejuvenated brain?

On top of that, a healthy dose of mind meandering can spruce up our relationships and sex life in many different ways: Recovery

Our DMN supports emotional processing and mental recovery, preventing mental fatigue. And that’s certainly welcome because when we feel drained, we’re mostly not in the mood for anything social or sexual, right?


With a recharged mind, it’s a hell of a lot easier to listen to someone else, initiate something sexy, respond spontaneously to arousing advances and tune into our senses. And we all know how sensory pleasure is key for satisfying sex.


Letting our minds roam opens the floodgates to creative thinking and problem-solving, which is mighty handy in resolving relational conflicts. Be it a squabble about the dishes occupying the sink or a more profound issue. Memories

We can also thank our DMN for any delightful trips down memory lane. At any moment we can allow them to tap into our treasure trove of memories. But when did you last treat yourself to some intimate reminiscing?


Through sexy imaginations our DMN can make us maestros in the art of (self)seduction. Besides mentally living our wildest dreams, we can use our imagination to spice up intimate moments with novelty in endless ways… 


Our DMN also facilitates self-reflection and integrates experiences into our memory. Through this process we often uncover layers of thoughts, aspirations and fears that might have been buried beneath the chaos of daily life. 


The resulting self-awareness is like relational super glue, because only when we understand our own feelings, needs, desires and boundaries can we actually communicate them clearly to others. Welcome emotional intelligence!


This way our DMN can become the bridge to vulnerability and relational depth. Understanding ourselves deeply allows us to be authentic which creates a space where others around us can feel safe and comfortable to do the same. 


Our DMNs process social information, help us interpret non-verbal cues and attune to unspoken words. This increases understanding and empathy, fostering that much needed patience with the quirks of the people we love/desire. Now, you might be thinking -  “Well, colour me impressed but I barely have time to heat-up leftovers, how am I supposed to spend time daydreaming?" 

We get it. We struggle with that too. 

The good news is that you don’t have to fit in anything extra. There are plenty of daily moments during which we can give our DMN a chance to do its restorative and creative magic - from brushing our teeth to walking to the bus stop. 

The bad news is that it’s easy to fall into the trap of behaving as if we’re slaves to technology and our to-do lists. To find ourselves multitasking our way through our days, filling up any silences with information and grabbing our phones every time we have a spare minute.

But we’ve found that the easiest way to re-introduce regular mind meandering back into our days is to pretend that we’re back in the 90s. Which is certainly easier said than done. Pretend your computer weighs 7 kilos. Leave your phone at home every now and then. Dig up that old fashioned alarm clock. 

Do whatever you need to do to reduce some of the ways that technology might be grabbing your attention from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. 

You want your DMN to have plenty of opportunities to shuffle through memories, process your emotions, connect the dots, make sense of social cues, get creative, imagine your desires coming true and liven up your intimate/sex life. 


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